Everyone knows who Ozzy Osbourne is, and if you've lived in America long enough, you've certainly heard one of his many famous Metal anthems. Here at Muse-Zach we've decided to take at look at this legends discography, not talking about the music of course, but instead harshly judging the album covers. Enjoy.
So we begin with the first Black Sabbath album from 1970. Personally I think this album cover is bad-ass, looks like some classic horror movie. We see some quite fall day in an English neighbor and this strange woman dressed in black standing in an alley or corner lot. It's hard to make out her features, but the vibe, helped by the band's name scrolled across the top, warns us all is not right. Way to kick off a career Ozzy.
Released later that same year, Paranoid is a metal classic containing many of the group's most recognized songs. The cover again looks like some strange horror film from the 70s. Standing out in some dark wooded area, a neon bright man is brandishing a sword, looking like he intends to use it, and a medieval style shield. Strangely he also appears to be wearing a cape of some kind, and what looks to be a motorist white helmet on his head. The dude looks zonked out of his mind, and I'm not sure if the three image design is suppose to indicate motion or the fact that this fellow may not be real. Is he paranoid, possibly stoned out in the woods fighting imaginary demons, or are we paranoid thinking something of this bizarre, stoner, Gothic nature resides in the album..hmmm...perhaps I'm over analyzing.
Well the cover for Sabbath's third album kinda sucks. I mean it's not awful I guess, but really there is nothing to it either. Who the fuck though this would make a good album cover. I suppose it does it's job of advertising the band's name so anyone half interested in their music will see it clearly (not hating 
the purple coloring either), but really this looks like the cover of a single's release, not an entire album. Tisk tisk, we were off to such a strong start too.
the purple coloring either), but really this looks like the cover of a single's release, not an entire album. Tisk tisk, we were off to such a strong start too.Vol. 4 is the fucking shit. Though the cover looks more suited to be a for a Live album, it takes the simplicity of Master of Reality and decides not to fucking suck. It's Sabbath, it's their fourth album, and it's a fucking rocking good time. Also, Ozzy wears yellow surprisingly well.
Yeah the horror film has returned. With an awesome title, we get a depiction of what could turn out to very well be a Bloody Sabbath. Here's my take: Some dude was having the time of his life fooling around with six hotties in his bedroom (oh ya that's my favorite orgy ratio). Apparently he fell into a nightmare or just had the unfortunate luck of having his room possessed by demonic forces. The bitches are now evil and attacking him, as the bed comes to life with a skull head and two long reaching arms looking to choke the poor bastard. Making matters worse, there are two balls of flames at either end of the bed, and an unwelcoming 666 advertised on the headboard. His ultimate fantasy has turned into his parents worse fears, Black Sabbath with bring the devil to kill my poor baby. Here's the album's back picture showing how his once fucking sweet night has turned biblically awful.
The lads are up to album six now and decided to put themselves on the cover; not dreadfully original but from a marketing standpoint it might be a good idea to let the fans know what the band actually looks like. Plus now parents can put a face on those demented bastards they hate so much. Some observational notes: Is the band showing off their wealth and fame in this picture with their fancy clothes and giant fucking mirror. By the way, is that mirror fucking broken, it should be showing their backs, or is it so god dam expensive it shows your reflection without even looking at it. Was Geezer's legs tired, or was hie simply pouting because he thought this photo idea was fucking stupid. Tony looks cool and comfortable, but he may just be relaxed from those purple fums wafting towards him. Bill Ward I have some fashion advise for you, red pants and shoes are not flattering to your figure, though you look better than the reflection standing immediately behind you. Ozzy...what the fuck are you wearing? You honestly look like a woman wearing some kind of black oriental dress, but your ego made a right decision with those boots (haha fuckers I tower over all of you). Ozzy's reflection looks even more girlie. Was the photographer sabotaging Black Sabbath?
So it's 1976, you're a world famous metal band working on your seventh album. You've done the horror shtick a few times, hand your band's name front and center, and even braved putting on your own mug on the cover, but now what? Wait I know, how about sci-fi humor. Yeah, that'll sell a few million records. We'll put two robots fucking while riding an escalator; genius. Seriously though, this cover blows. Why would you put a silver dildo, smeared with patches of ketchup, squirting oil on a skyscraper-man while taking a laser beam to the face on your fucking album cover. Your not an artsy band. Your not a fucking techno band. Your the godfathers of doom, the pioneers and creators of Heavy-Fucking Metal. This shit is stupid and beneath you. The album title sucks too.
Alright so from here Ozzy is done with Sabbath until the reunion in the 90's, looking at the albums overall we get 4 that were good, 1 that was good but had pilots on it, 2 that were mediocre, and 1 that sucked. Not so bad, moving on to the Prince of Darkness's solo outing.
Taking the reigns and kicking off a new decade, Ozzy brought back the fright the last couple Sabbath albums had been lacking. We see Ozzy up in some attic, or perhaps a church bell tower, performing a dark ritual. He as a black cat (bad), a human skull (bad), some kind of animal antlers (cool), and is clasping tight to a wooden cross while possing for the camera. An all around good cover, Ozzy looks young and ready to fuck some shit up. Parents, in case you forgot, Ozzy is again using biblical references and imagery to melt off your teenagers face. 
Ozzy's second solo album, out a year later, was just as good as his first, and like the album, the cover followed the same if-it-aint-broke-dont-fix-it formula. The scene from Diary of A Madman to have occurred shortly after the scene for Blizzard of Ozz. The ritual now over, Ozzy is transformed into some kind of were-wolf creature and has wandered down into the lower level of where ever the hell her is. He's wearing the same clothes, though now they are appropriately ripped, covered in blood, and the shirt is blackened; burned perhaps. Ozzy seems to be having fun, and the little kid in the background is having a laugh at whatever book he's reading (probably the Bible; ya it's fucking stupid). Like the up side down cross on the wall. Another solid cover for the Ozzman.
We didn't really do it for Sabbath, but here is a live album from Ozzy circa 1982. Released to out due his former band's about to be released live album Live Evil , as well as an unofficial Sabbath album Live at Last released in 1980, it's all Sabbath songs here boys. The cover is simple and pretty awesome. Titled Speak of the Devil, we get a close up shot of Ozzy on his throne, fanged and looking very devilish. Watch out Tony, Ozzy's looking to tear Sabbath's future down and proclaim himself Prince of Darkness.The transformation began in Blizzard of Ozz seems to be completed on 1983's Bark at The Moon. Ozzy is now a woolly monster roaming the countryside. I wonder now, was it the strange ritual that changed Ozzy into this creature, or was it the moon? Oh wait, how foolish of me, the ritual make him demonic and therefore further enhanced by the moon's presence; that's it. So far cover wise, Ozzy is doing good. He's consistent and giving the fans what they want; a dark twisted Ozzy.
After a three year wait, Ozzy released The Ultimate Sin in 1986. The golden era of Ozzy's solo career were over and Randy Rhoads was a distancing memory. First impressions of this album cover: WTF. It seems that perhaps a nuclear bomb of some kind has gone off, mutating the monster Ozzy into some kind of dragon creature. Of course that theory does not account for the strange woman beside Ozzy, perhaps a witch or demon woman of some kind who also could have contributed to Ozzy's change. I don't know, the albums sucks. It's like that late 80s Heavy Metal Movie drawing shit. Problem is the chick really isn't that hot, though her ass looks good, and Ozzy looks fucking stupid. Now I understand why Ozzy changed the name of this album at the last minute, I'm feeling The Ultimate Sin sums up the shittnes better than Giant Killer would have. 
Another live album, this time as a tribute to late Ozzy guitarist Randy Rhoads five years after his untimely death. Gotta love that picture of Ozzy holding up Rhoads in concert. Though their partnership was short lived, Rhoads' distinct guitar sound on classic tracks like "Crazy Train" showed everyone Ozzy had a career post-Sabbath.
Eight years into his solo career, Ozzy seems to have recovered from whatever voodoo, ritual monster curse that was afflicting him at the start of this decade. Human again, Ozzy either has possessed three young girls who live with him in some kind of Witch Doctor laire, or he simply was pronounced their leader after stumbling across them in some backwoods part of the world. This is why little girls shouldn't listen to Heavy Metal, they immediately fall in with the wrong crow, get possessed by demons, worship Ozzy, and dress like poor people. Where were their parents, tisk tisk. Album cover definitely not as good as earlier entries, but hey man, I can dig it. What's that little girl shouting at Ozzy? Fucking feed us!, lol.
Three years later, we enter Ozzy's third decade as a recording artist. Umm, Ozzy seems a lot mellower in the 90s. I don't know what the fuck happened to him from ruling over some glazed eyed little girls, but now we're all up close and personal. If his name wasn't on the album I'd barely recognize the man. The background is some kind of hazy fog or cloud action, so maybe Ozzy's dead (those lil bastards) or calmly searching the inside of his subconscious (that's some deep shit). Either way it's odd to see the dude wearing little angel wings, also were is the joy Ozzy. On this and your last album, you don't look like you're having a devilish good time. Your music is suppose to make me want to party and do wicked things, but here it feels a little churchy. Are you depressed, trying to convince yourself not to cry (hence the title)? Hey bra, I know it's hard leaving the 80s behind you but there are good days ahead. You still have to invent Ozzfest and reunite with Sabbath, plus your own reality TV show awaits. Chin up Ozzy.
Another live album from 1993, Ozzy's head is in a speaker. Really not much ground to cover here album cover wise. Oh ya and i guess I forgot to include 1990's live album Just Say Ozzy. Album cover is graffiti and guess it's kinda cool, but only kinda.
By 1995 it is clear our good buddy Ozzy is off the beaten path, at least when it comes to album covers. We wait four years after No More Tears and we get this shit. This isn't cool or creepy, it just looks fuckin stupid. If you removed all the eye balls and mouths appear over this body, than you would have a somewhat creepy, though still strange Ozzy cover. I'm pretty sure that's not even Ozzy in the photo, and I have no idea if he contributed photos of his own eyes and mouth. Is Ozzmosis some horrible state of mind where you think everyone is looking at you, and talking about you? I dunno, should have kept it simple and done something cool. What the hell did those lil brats do you to Ozzy, you need to get out of this album funk. 
Oh my god it's gotten worse. Ozzy enters the 2000's by releasing Down to Earth in '01. Fuck this album cover is bad. Maybe for a fleeting moment it was cool at the start of the new millennium but I really doubt it. It looks like the dude from the Ozzmosis cover either died, or is getting a really creep spiritual kat-scan (while wearing pants). There are additional heads on either side screaming, perhaps invoking some inner torment, as the vessel approaches heaven or where ever the fuck it's going. Definatly some cross imagery invoked here. Why Ozzy, why put this shit out, it immediately looks outdated, and not in the cool outdated vibe of your classic solo albums.
God dam Ozzy releases a lot of live albums, but it's nice to actually see him again on the cover. He's looking older, crazier, and in dire need of medication. I didn't expect to say much about this cover, but after the last two horrible entries, man this is a breathe of fresh air; rock on Ozzy. Three years after the live album, Ozzy put out this covers album in 2005. Nice sleek cover. Close up of Ozzy's face, and a deviled version hiding in his glasses, in a cross. Sure it's generic, but at least it's not shit.
In 2007, Ozzy released a studio album of all new music, and you know what? The album cover doesn't suck. Actually it's pretty fucking awesome. It's clear to me what happened here, Ozzy returned to the girl possessed village of yore, the girls obviously had grown up, one thing lead to another and Ozzy walks away as their village and bodies burn in the distance. From Ozzy's face it's clear he gets no joy from taking out what must have been very tasty village girls, but hey a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and those bitches put in an album cover decline it took decades to recover from. Glad to have you back Ozzy, burn them all down, burn those fuckers strait to hell and than old-man zombie walk your way home. 
Beginning yet another decade, Ozzy kicked off 2010 with a brand new album. Though this album certainly is not as cool as Black Rain's, at this point I'm just glad it's not a abomination. Leaving the village in smoldering ashes, Ozzy apparently climbed a fucking mountain and declared war on all nay sayers (or perhaps all children). Ozzy's wings from the 90s have also returned, and are prepared so swoop down on your candy ass. Oh make no mistake Ozzy is an old fuck, but he has the money, the resources, and the time to make sure you either die a horrible unspeakable death, or have your soul turn as black as the flag he angrily grips in his left hand. Ozzy's coming fuckhead and he's going to make you scream!So there you have it a look at Ozzy's discography. Will Ozzy put out another album (or Sabbath with Ozzy) and will it suck. Only time will tell my dear friends, only time.
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