The Beatles in Minnesota

If I had a time machine I would go to a fuck load of concerts, Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Pantera, Nirvana, Queen, Led Zepplin, the list goes on and on. Getting to see music's mightest legends performing in their prime would be an incredible experience, or would it? What if it sucked, what if it were a complete waste of your time machine hopping time (dammit I could be pummeling Jesus right now)? Take the Beatles for instance (we'll talk about how The Doors sucked live another time), the biggest fucking band in the history of rock, you'd definately have to go see them right? Eh...proably not, excluding the rooftop concert in 1969, seeing The Beatles live was no great accomplishment, the overall majority of their concerts sucked dick. How dare I say somthing so blasphemous, dogg the most famous band in modern history, well listen up motherfuckers because it's absolutely true.



I live in Minnesota, so unless I have a magical time machine (it's not magical already?), that can change locations as well as time (dammit now how am I going to pummel Jesus), I'd be limited to experiencing Minnesota's concert past; perhaps Wisconsin's too if I felt like a road trip. The band in question, The Beatles, only played Minnesota once in their short seven year career (WTF The Beatles were only a band for seven years). So let's look at the details of this show, and this tour, and you decide if it sucked dick or not. The above photo is from a press conference the lads did in Minnesota the day of the concert; look at Paul's young pudgy gopher cheecks, don't you just want to pinch them.

Just the Facts Jack
The concert took place on August 21, 1965, as part of The Beatles ten date summer North American Tour. The lads from Liverpool were out promoting their latest album, Help!, which was released in America only eight days prior to the show. Rubber Soul would follow later that year, and the band was finally budding out of their boy-band phase. At this point, especially in the US, their fanbase was overwhelmingly comprised of the opposite sex. The tour saw the band playing mostly baseball stadiums to thosands of their screamings fans. It was the second major US tour for the group, having appeared in America for the first time only a year before in February.

The venue for the show was Metropolitan Stadium, the Old Met, in Bloomington where the Vikings and Twins played up until 1982. The Beatles concert was a rare musical performance for the venue, as it was primarily used for sporting events. The building was demolished in 1985, but the ground found new entertainment use as the Mall of America opened over it in 1992. Home plate and an old red stadium seat from the Old Met still hang in America's largest mall to commemerate it's history.

Around 25,000 fans attended the show, most of which were super excited young females. Tickets for the show were $5.50 or $10 for the best seats. It was the only show on the tour not to sell out, the venue decided not to promote the show for fear of a teenage riot, and that may be the reason The Beatles didn't return to Minnesota for their 1966 US Tour (their last concerts in North America).

Being that the concert was hosted at a sports stadium, a stage was set up for the grouop infield of the baseball diamond. The Beatles walked onto the field from from the home team's dugouts, instantly egniting the stadium with excitment; their fans jumping, screaming, and crying to finally see the English boys live and in concert. 

The concert itself lasted around 30 minutes, the band playing twelves songs. There are several attendants of this concert who claim The Beatles did not play "Twist and Shout" and therefore performed an eleven song set. It is rumored that John not feeling well was the reason, though I do not have solid facts to back either claim. It could be the fact that The Bealts only played a portion of "Twist and Shout" not the entire song, that confused fans. They may not have been able to initially hear the song due to the audiences incredible screams. Like their albums, each of the four Beatles sang lead on at least one song.

The setlist from the tour is as follows with lead vocalist in parentheses:

1."Twist and Shout" (excerpt) (John Lennon)
2."She's a Woman" (Paul McCartney)
3."I Feel Fine" (John Lennon)
4."Dizzy Miss Lizzy" (John Lennon)
5."Ticket to Ride" (John Lennon)
6."Everybody's Trying to Be My Baby" (George Harrison)

7."Can't Buy Me Love" (Paul McCartney)

8."Baby's in Black" (Lennon and McCartney)

9."I Wanna Be Your Man" (Ringo Starr) (at Shea Stadium this song was replaced by "Act Naturally")

10."A Hard Day's Night" (Lennon and McCartney)

11."Help!" (John Lennon)

12."I'm Down" (Paul McCartney)

Because of The Beatles remaining popularity and uncomparable legacy, Minnesotans recall this single concert every few years in newspaper publications and radio specials; honoring the special occasion when the Fab Four came to town. For those in attendance, the concert is most often remembered as an event of high emotions and deafening sounds. The excited females in the audience, star struck at just seeing their heartthrobs in the flesh, screamed at high pitch volumes continuously throughout the show. This, toppled of the difficulty of delivering a decent sound in a venue hardly built for acoustics, only furthered the distorted sound; making the concert almost more of a feast for young girl's eyes than their ears. It is also reported that a helicopter passed over the concert several times, further building the electric atmosphere and blaring sounds.

The Verdict
So, what do you think? Does that sound like the kind of concert you would want to time travel back too, or even really learn more about? I fucking don't, sounds fucking horrible. I know what you might be thinking, well $5.50 to see The Beatles back in their hay day would be pretty cool. Think again dufus, adjusting for inflation, $5.50 in 1965 equals $37.01 today (the $10 ticket would equal $67.29 today) for a fucking thirty minute performance; that's around the amount of time most opening bands play for nowadays. But it's the fucking The Beatles you persist, who wouldn't pay that to see The Beatles even if it was a short set, well you're being stupid again friend, do the fucking math: Constantly Screaming Teenage Girls + Poor Venue Sound and Acoustics + Fucking Helicopter= Piss Poor Sounding Show. I guess you could brag about hearing  a couple of the songs live, "Help" "Ticket To Ride" or "Hard Days Night", but would you want to if it sounded like horse shit. Think of it like this:

"Dude I saw the Beatles live."

"Oh really, how did they sound?

"Horrible, but I saw the fucking Beatles live."

"Huh, well did they play any of your favorite Beatle songs?"

"No not really, I'm more into their later albums after they stopped touring."

"Ya me too, sounds like you wasted a bunch of money bra. Should saved that $5 and saw Black Sabbath six years later, they started their Masters of Reality Tour in St. Paul and played a full fucking set. No half-hour bullshit, and it's fucking cheaper, no fucking idiotic girls, plus good sound quality."

"Ya I'm an idiot, plus my time machine broke down so now I'm trapped in the 60's."

"Sucks man, do me a favor and shoot George Lucas in the head sometime after 1983, he had nothing to give humanity; only taketh away."

In conclusion, while it is somewhat cool that The Beatles did play in Minnesota, it was before they were really anything to write home about. They didn't really get good until after Help!, before that they were just a corporate run boy band with two members that could tie together a decent pop song.

This picture really speaks volumes of the show. A sea of girls, all screeching and ogling over the four English boys from across the pond. Covering her ears, Girl 1 unsuccessfully tries to avoid hearing the giddish babble pouring out of her own mouth like a broken down dam. Girl 2 has clearly orgasmed realizing that the cute creatures lining her bedroom walls and home room notebook are indeed real. The look of shock and horror comes but a moment later when makes another startling realization; none of them will ever touch my virgin pussy. Girl 3 is less concerned about her pussy, she's desperately writing down the sparse lyrics she can make out in this bombastic noise fest in order to decode the set list. Smart as Girl 3 may look the chick directly behind her is he real brains, she brought binoculars. The lone boy directly between Girls 1 & 2 would be (looks like the Beaver) sums up my attitude towards this concert. Just look at his fucking face, he's sadly pondering WTF he's doing there. He's not even old enough (or British enough) to even tap the sea of pussy he's drowning in. Lol, look at the chick behind Girl 1's head, she's screaming her fucking mind out.