A Look at Dio's Discography

So we looked at the album covers of Ozzy and Black Sabbath, it would seem that the next logical choice would be to look at the albums of the one and only Ronnie James Dio. We're  not going to hit every album from Dio's early career, but focus mainly on the Dio Band. Come On, ride that Tiger!!

So the first Rock group Ronnie was in was called Elf. Kind of ironic seeing as Ronnie really wasn't the tallest of Metal Gods. For their 1972 debut, they went with this album cover, a close up of a creepy elf looking dude. God dammit Santa's helpers looking fucking mean when you get up close and personal with them. I know Ronnie is dead and all, and I don't mean to be offensive, but is that Dio on the cover. It kinda looks like him just with rosey checks and pointed ears. Alright so this album is pretty bad ass and fucking metal as sin, good way to get things started.

Boooo, Elf's 1974 follow up sucks dick. You guys did so well on your debut, a scary looking fucking Elf dude and you follow it up with this mediocre shit. Fore shame. Dio is the guy in the yellow shirt standing on his tip toes to try and appear taller than the rest of the band. You can barely even see the name of the band on here, could just as easily been a fucking Monkees album.

Wow, while I think this album has a pretty cool title, the cover sucks dick. How the hell did they think that looked good? Dio that is not the proper way to burn the sun, actually now that I think about it for a minute the album title is fucking stupid. You cant burn the sun, its a fucking ball of fiery infernos. It's like saying I'm gonna freeze this ice cube, it's already frozen you fucking idiot. Elf was off to such a good start, they must of started using drugs (or maybe stopped).

1975 Elf is dead and long live Rainbow. Wait...he went from a band called Elf to Rainbow, and he's a heavy metal fucking legend, these sound like queer butt plug bands or children's Saturday morning cartoon shows. Yeah, looking at the cover of Rainbow's first album doesn't look very hard rock or heavy metal. It's too fucking colorful, and rainbows are not very metal. Reminds me of some fucking Rainbow Bright shit. The moon in the back does kinda look like the Perfect Circle logo though, that's kinda cool. I don't hate this album but come on man, you cant call your band fucking rainbow and than but out girlie looking shit like this.

Oh ya here we fucking go. On their second album, Rainbow decided we're not going to put out anymore fucking pussy looking little girl covers. No, this shit is hard rocking to the bones, we're gonna grab this fucking rainbow and fuck it's shit up. I dunno is this is the hand of god or some huge fucking giant, but the small looking medieval guy in the lower left hand corner must be loosing his mind. Walking up a climb by some ocean and suddenly a giant hand appears and fucking ownes a rainbow. Epic.

Sigh, on Rainbow's third album, released in 1978, the epicness went out the door. Instead of any rainbow related scenes, with castles and mountains, like we saw in the last two albums, we get a picture of a giant clump of hair that happens to contain the heads of the Rainbow band. It's a nice album title, and I can understand wanting to see your face on an album cover, but the boys really blew it here. Probably why Dio left the band.

In 1983, Dio left Black Sabbath and formed his own band, The Dio Band. Proving he was a bad ass motherfucker with or without Sabbath, take a gander at this album cover for Holy Diver. Pure Metal awesomeness. Meet Murray, the Dio band's mascot and a mean demon like creature willing to fuck up your shit. This is the exact scenario I would like to see go down for all those fucking Catholic Priest that molested little boys. That's right, Murray's coming to fucking kill you ass holes. I also think its bad ass that Murray has the demon horns pressed against his chest. Your best album so far Ronnie.

A year has passed and it looks like Murray has gone power hungry. It wasn't enough to just kill all the priest and pedophiles in the world, apparently Murray had to conquer the entire human race and put us into some sort of Mad Max like post Apocalypse state. Judging from the album title, The Last in Line, and the harsh look on Murray's face, I'd say hes fixing to pretty much murder us all. Nice album Dio, but did you have to doom all humanity?

Dammit Dio, where the fuck is Murray. I though we were gonna do some Iron Maiden shit and he would be on every cover. Now we get this hokey looking Medieval album cover, with a dragon in a crystal ball. It's just not anywhere as cool as the last two album covers. The dragon looks fucking stupid, and Dio you need to cut your fucking nails, you're not a witch for god's sake. Murray would kick that dragon's ass anyhow. Why can't we get three good album covers in a row, why? Looks like the dragon's doing a fucking Rubik's cube. Dumb dumb dumb.

This is a live album from 1986. I'm not gonna lie, the picture looks absolutely like shit. Who the fuck drew this, why not just put an actual pic from a concert instead of having some dude draw one. Apparently Dio has a large mechanic dragon he would attack during their live shows, which sounds awesome and makes me wish I could have seen Dio back in the day. They totally could have made this look better though, and I still miss Murray.

Hell yes Murray is back, and.....hmmm looks like he's about to terrorize some little girl sleeping with her thumb in her mouth. I was all down for you to terrorize priest, and I really didnt' mind you enslaving mankind, but what did this lil girl do. Oh wait, looks like she was reading some kind of book, probably of witchcraft, explains all the creepy shit crawling over and under her bed. Murray's probably just there to aid her fight this evil scourge, like he helped her brother fight the molesting priest, you the man Murray. Rock on.

Hey we're in the 1990s, and Dio has a simple message: Lock up the Wolves. Taking a gander at the two gracing your cover, I tend to agree. They look like blood thirsty assholes just waiting to tear into my flesh. Their owner additionally looks like the kind of character I prefer to avoid. Anyone who goes out wearing antlers and a cape that fucking big, is not someone I want to befriend. Pretty good cover Dio, its creepy, it's hard rock, it's metal.

After a short lived reunion with Sabbath, Dio was back on his own and released Strange Highways in 1994. Strange indeed. Instead of Murray, a dragon, or some scary wolves we get this new agey mind shit on our cover. It reminds me of something out of a Tool video, it that video sucked dick and lost all its cool graphics and visuals. Here we have a naked man in a spiralling pool, or maybe those are clouds, shits fuming out of his visible brain while skull monkeys sit on it. We also see green lightning, and some bullshit symbols and crap. I don't like this Dio, don't let it happen again.

Haha, holy shit now we're talking. We got some crazy ass killer robots blowing the shit out of people. The robots themselves do not look like the most intelligent designs, they're like bipedal battle bots, but hey I'm sure they kill just fine. I'm not sure why Dio would put killer robots on his album cover, but it's a hard concept to really argue against. The totally should make action figures out of these dudes.

In 2000, The Dio band released Magica. Umm, not really sure who this mother fucker on the cover is. Looks like some kind of Mongolian a couple hundred years old. No, this must be what the mobsters from The Mob Rules look like under their turbans. Real nasty looking fucks huh.

I'ts been quite a few years, but Dio has finally decide to kill that stupid dragon from his third album. Sad thing is, now the dragon actually looks pretty cool. Dam. Ronnie your last couple album covers have been all over the place, new age shit, killer robots, Mongolian, and now a fucking dragon, what's going on in that metal mind of yours? While I like this album, and am glad you've finally gotten an album artist that can fucking draw, I want to put in a request to see Murray again. Whats that fuck up to?

Well my Murray request has not been answered, but fuck take a look at his dude from Dios' 2004 album. Apparently he's the master of the moon, strongly explaining why NASA doesn't go there anymore. He looks very badass and metally, also could easily be a character from WOW. I like how his bracelet is creaming for help, omg, I wonder if that was the man on the moon. Shit, he got fucked up good. Sadly this is the last studio album released by the Dio band.

I'm gonna spare us going over the remaining live albums Dio has put out. Looking at his discography overall, Ronnie was way more constant and bad ass than either Sabbath or Ozzy. He made some fucking sweet and epic album covers.