A Look at KISS's Discography

Seeing how it is the first night of KISSmas, lets take a look at the bands legendary studio releases and mercilessly critque all the album covers; sounds like fun eh.

Album 1, KISS burst on to the scene in 1974 with their debut album. Already we see the classic KISS logo, and all four original members are painted up ready to go. I like their dark Mount Rushmore design here, but KISS looks a little different. Paul Stanely, the Star Child, looks same-o, a bit joker-esque. Holy shit is that Peter Criss though, the Catman, looks like some kind of Japanese badass. Certainly not the classic make-up look yet for him, but he does look vicous. Towards the bottom, devily Gene Simmons looks about as expected, his make-up slightly different than we're used to. Whoa man, Ace what the fuck are you starring at man? You really look in a daze. Are you high, starring off into space. Well I suppose you are the spaceman, usually your hair isn't dyed silver though. Overall solid first release for KISS; let's rock.

We're still way early in the game here, but I thing you guys fucked it up by album two. What the fuck is this, it looks like some cheap cartoony Japanese import album. It's too fucking bright, the band's faces aren't clearly visible. I mean seriously, this could be the cover of the fucking KISS coloring book for Christ sake. And with an album name like hotter than hell, why not do something dark and awesome? Have Gene spitting flames or something....this sucks.

A year later with  album three, and we're back on track. This is a  classic album cover because of it's dramatic contrast. KISS, rock stars, monsters, ghouls, are dressed like well to do business men off to the office. Gene really stands out on his cover, wearing a suite much lighter than the other three, and in my opinion appears to be adjusting himself; hand near crotch and left knee partially bent. Oh well, great cover overall.

Yes, the suites are off, this is fucking KISS in the flesh being fucking KISS. Where studio albums failed to show the true muscle of KISS's live sound, Alive! kicked you in the gut as if you were there, front and center. Ace clearly steals the show on this cover, Gene and Paul look like sweet dark brooding musical henchman, but Ace looks cool as fuck leaning into that guitar. Most live albums are a waste of time, but this one has the perfect name, the perfect cover, and the perfect sound to capture these 70s metal icons. Smoke, Peter's drum sticks raised just under the giant KISS light logo, ah ya boys we're gonna have a fucking rock concert tonite.

Another classic, Destroyer shows KISS at the peak of their powers. They look strong, intimidating, cool, and hard rocking as they crush another city beneath their feet. When people think of KISS they think of this album, sketched to show the band as titans ruling the airwaves, the road, and the rock and roll world booming out of your stereo. We're clearly in the golden age of KISS album covers. Peter Criss looks fucking ripped on this album, like he's gonna go end somebody.

Oh boy. We had such a good run going boys. It's not that I don't liket his album, it actually looks fairly cool and trippy, but it doesn't contain the same hard rock mood we had established with the previous three records. This one seems like a blatant attempt to catch the eyes of younger music fans with bright colors and cartoon versions of the band. It would be badass if Gene and Peter really looked the way they do on this cover though. Paul looks like a disgusting fat bitch sadly, and Ace a Mexican woman who can shoot lazers from her eyes. WTF.

After the colorful acid trip, the boys find themselves in a KISS temple with an ample number of groupies hanging about. Not sure why Paul and Peter are pelvic thrusting into each other; it's like the gay high five. Gene looks pissed off, proably because he has some kind of steel encasing around his genital region and he's gonna need that penis right quick. Everyone looks very action figure like, no way Peter was ever that ripped, and Ace seems to be looking past the bitches lost in space again. If the title is any clue, these bitches are about to get gunned down. With genitals that is.

So I guess the marketing plan here was, "hey, everyone liked Alive! let's make sure they know this is the sequel." So we get the album title in giant fucking letters and four small pictures of the band. Horrible, horrible cover. Why not get another great shot of them onstage like you did with the first live album? Dammit guys, stop fucking bitches in sky temples for five minutes and get your shit together.

Hey it's 1979 and the first, and best, decade of KISS is almost over. Shocked themselves that the rocking 70s are at a near end, KISS decided just to stare down their fans on Dynasty, "you fuckers better stay fans in the 80s." On the bottom (lol I wonder why), Peter and Ace have 'meh' stares, almost foreshadowing their exit from this group, while Paul Stanley has this amazing rock star pokerface on. Gene looks a bit spooked and/or hungry. Certainly not a bad album, but for KISS it's pretty mediocre, why not any disco balls for your disco album?

Welcome to the 80's and KISS is putting out an album called Unmasked. I find the album's title strange seeing that KISS at this point had never publicly appeared without their makeup. Along with a perplexing name, this is easily the worst KISS album to date; way to enter a new decade guys. The cover contains a mini-comic book strip story of a reporter trying to get a picture of KISS without their make-up on. After much harassing, the group agrees to remove their masks and does so only to reveal their same signature makeup on under the masks. So fucking dumb, and than the last frame has the reporter saying the band stinks. Wow, who the fuck thought this shit up. If you want a closer look at the cover go here, but i warn you it does stink.

Following their worst album to date, KISS logically decided to release the worst album ever to bare the KISS name. Music From The Elder is considered by many fans, as well as Paul and Gene themselves, as a horrid album and a huge misstep for the band. With that in mind, many may pan this as the worst album cover of their career too, but I disagree. The last album was horrible and incredibly stupid, here we have a scene that at least makes sense. A hand is reaching to a door, a pretty badass looking door at that, and what lies behind that door? A shitty concept album. Scary shit, right? No idea who's hand that is, and because of the bad font of the band's logo, one may not even realize this is a KISS album; ignorance is bliss apparently.

I was beginning to loose faith in KISS's ability to make a good album cover, thank god for 1982's Creatues of The Night. A dark up-close portrait of the band, bright eyed, and coming for you. Eric Carr, wearing the very cool Fox makeup, makes his cover debut replacing Peter. Catman taken out by the Fox, how fitting. I really like this album, fits perfectly with the album title, showcases the current band (not really seeing how Ace does not play on this album), and gives that old KISS hard rock look. As great as this album is, sadly it is the last cover with makeup for quite a few years. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

The first album without makeup and I have to say, the band did a good job. It's simple, sleek, and shows what the band was really showcasing at the time, "hey, we took off our makeup." Gene having his tongue out wonderfully invokes the album title as well as connecting the band's new look to their old theatrics. Yes they might not look like KISS, but they are still KISS. Great guitar player Vinnie Vincient also makes his album debut, he's got the purple shirt. This will be KISS's look for the next ten years (and some change). Hey Paul wonder why people always ask about your sexuality, it's because of your stance and look on this album cover.

So after Lick It Up, we get 1984's Animalize. Uhh, ya the picture does fit the name, showing a number of animal hides (can you name the different animals they belong to?), but it's definitely not cool. Ya it sucks. Why the fuck would you do this, I dunno I guess it looks like the glam metal album covers of the time but Jesus, it looks like a couple labeled rugs with KISS over it. Would have made a much better Poison record cover.

No! Why? Why, in the good name of fucking heavy metal would you do this? Adopting bi-sexual notes from popular hair metal bands of the day like Motley Cru, Poison, and so on, KISS have given us this shit. It looks fucking horrible, close up faces with lip stick and floating colored blobs. This album sickens me.

Angered by how much their last batch of albums sucked, the guy hired to make Crazy Night's cover simply   took a photo of the band and smashed it with a hammer. The band, obviously never looking at covers before release, approved and the album went Gold.

Sigh. We've hit an all time low here in 1989. I think this atrocity went a little something like this: Paul was suppose to submit a photo of the band to the label, but drunkenly accidentally submitted a  postcard he had received from Gene's recent trip to Egypt. Afraid to question the band's strange submission, the cover designer shrugged and accepted it. The head of Mercury records took a look at the cover and decided it just wasn't hip enough, so he had an artist photoshop some sunglasses on; yay that should get the teens buying. Hot In The Shade is a shockingly stupid album cover, doesn't even have the band's fucking logo on it. Epic fail.

KISS fans, angered by the idiotic record covers released over the past decade, have turned against their former heros hungry for blood. Attacking the KISS compound, you can see the aftermath; bullet holes and a pointedly defaced steel door with the phrase 'Revenge.' Finally a decent fucking cover here.

Alright so we both win here, the band gets to put the fucking album name big as hell on the record without it completely sucking dick like on Alive II. Still say it would have been better to just get a kick ass live shot of the band like on the original Alive album; I mean you keep calling the live albums 'alive' in order to connect fans back to the original blockbuster album right? So why not copy the cover presentation too? Idiots we're working with here.

 Really a special night for KISS in 1996, the band went on MTV's Unplugged and rocked through many of their hits and even invited former KISS members Ace and Peter to appear on the show. Meaning we have six KISS members performing on this album, a real special treat. The album is simply a shot from the performance capturing all un-masked KISS members playing together. Following this album the original lineup would reunite for a world tour.

This album was suppose to be released in 1995, but the band shelved it when the original lineup launched their world tour. Widely bootlegged and asked for by fans, KISS gave them what they wanted and released the album in 1997. This is easily the best album cover featuring the band without makeup, which is pretty sad seeing as how this isn't that great of a photo. It does make KISS look like a real band though, not a bunch of cartoon demons/superheros who happen to wield instruments every once in a while. Plus, lead guitarist Bruce Kulick is showing off a pretty good beard.

Ace is back, Peter is back, and the makeup is back on KISS's 1998 album Psycho Circus. As the title eludes to, the cover depicts a fucked up looking circus cart with KISS's name plastered on the side along with small portraits of the band. The center clown dows look a bit psychotic, and I'm not sure if he's planning to bite me or just throw up. Hard for me to really be tough on this cover at all, I'm just fucking stoked the 80's horrendous album covers are ten years removed from us. Have fun at the circus kids.

11 years after Psycho Circus, KISS released Sonic Boom in 2009 to close out yet another decade. The album was designed by the same guy who did the Rock and Roll Over cover way back when and....it sucks. Yep it's not a very pleasing cover at all. It has a shitty name, way to colorful (and odd colors at that), and just sucks. It doesn't make the band look cool or rocking, and if I wasn't already inclined to buy the album, it does nothing to catch my attention in a positive way. If you been to Walmart lately, undoubtedly you've seen these lying around in the electronic section.
So that's the KISS album discography, and man it's a long roller coaster ride of awesome to shit. As a little bonus here is a fucking badass Japanese only KISS live album.

Oh ya, that's the good stuff.