Seeing how it is the first night of KISSmas, lets take a look at the bands legendary studio releases and mercilessly critque all the album covers; sounds like fun eh.
Album 1, KISS burst on to the scene in 1974 with their debut album. Already we see the classic KISS logo, and all four original members are painted up ready to go. I like their dark Mount Rushmore design here, but KISS looks a little different. Paul Stanely, the Star Child, looks same-o, a bit joker-esque. Holy shit is that Peter Criss though, the Catman, looks like some kind of Japanese badass. Certainly not the classic make-up look yet for him, but he does look vicous. Towards the bottom, devily Gene Simmons looks about as expected, his make-up slightly different than we're used to. Whoa man, Ace what the fuck are you starring at man? You really look in a daze. Are you high, starring off into space. Well I suppose you are the spaceman, usually your hair isn't dyed silver though. Overall solid first release for KISS; let's rock.





Oh boy. We had such a good run going boys. It's not that I don't liket his album, it actually looks fairly cool and trippy, but it doesn't contain the same hard rock mood we had established with the previous three records. This one seems like a blatant attempt to catch the eyes of younger music fans with bright colors and cartoon versions of the band. It would be badass if Gene and Peter really looked the way they do on this cover though. Paul looks like a disgusting fat bitch sadly, and Ace a Mexican woman who can shoot lazers from her eyes. WTF.


So I guess the marketing plan here was, "hey, everyone liked Alive! let's make sure they know this is the sequel." So we get the album title in giant fucking letters and four small pictures of the band. Horrible, horrible cover. Why not get another great shot of them onstage like you did with the first live album? Dammit guys, stop fucking bitches in sky temples for five minutes and get your shit together.

Welcome to the 80's and KISS is putting out an album called Unmasked. I find the album's title strange seeing that KISS at this point had never publicly appeared without their makeup. Along with a perplexing name, this is easily the worst KISS album to date; way to enter a new decade guys. The cover contains a mini-comic book strip story of a reporter trying to get a picture of KISS without their make-up on. After much harassing, the group agrees to remove their masks and does so only to reveal their same signature makeup on under the masks. So fucking dumb, and than the last frame has the reporter saying the band stinks. Wow, who the fuck thought this shit up. If you want a closer look at the cover go here, but i warn you it does stink.
Following their worst album to date, KISS logically decided to release the worst album ever to bare the KISS name. Music From The Elder is considered by many fans, as well as Paul and Gene themselves, as a horrid album and a huge misstep for the band. With that in mind, many may pan this as the worst album cover of their career too, but I disagree. The last album was horrible and incredibly stupid, here we have a scene that at least makes sense. A hand is reaching to a door, a pretty badass looking door at that, and what lies behind that door? A shitty concept album. Scary shit, right? No idea who's hand that is, and because of the bad font of the band's logo, one may not even realize this is a KISS album; ignorance is bliss apparently.
I was beginning to loose faith in KISS's ability to make a good album cover, thank god for 1982's Creatues of The Night. A dark up-close portrait of the band, bright eyed, and coming for you. Eric Carr, wearing the very cool Fox makeup, makes his cover debut replacing Peter. Catman taken out by the Fox, how fitting. I really like this album, fits perfectly with the album title, showcases the current band (not really seeing how Ace does not play on this album), and gives that old KISS hard rock look. As great as this album is, sadly it is the last cover with makeup for quite a few years. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.The first album without makeup and I have to say, the band did a good job. It's simple, sleek, and shows what the band was really showcasing at the time, "hey, we took off our makeup." Gene having his tongue out wonderfully invokes the album title as well as connecting the band's new look to their old theatrics. Yes they might not look like KISS, but they are still KISS. Great guitar player Vinnie Vincient also makes his album debut, he's got the purple shirt. This will be KISS's look for the next ten years (and some change). Hey Paul wonder why people always ask about your sexuality, it's because of your stance and look on this album cover.
So after Lick It Up, we get 1984's Animalize. Uhh, ya the picture does fit the name, showing a number of animal hides (can you name the different animals they belong to?), but it's definitely not cool. Ya it sucks. Why the fuck would you do this, I dunno I guess it looks like the glam metal album covers of the time but Jesus, it looks like a couple labeled rugs with KISS over it. Would have made a much better Poison record cover.


Angered by how much their last batch of albums sucked, the guy hired to make Crazy Night's cover simply took a photo of the band and smashed it with a hammer. The band, obviously never looking at covers before release, approved and the album went Gold. 

Sigh. We've hit an all time low here in 1989. I think this atrocity went a little something like this: Paul was suppose to submit a photo of the band to the label, but drunkenly accidentally submitted a postcard he had received from Gene's recent trip to Egypt. Afraid to question the band's strange submission, the cover designer shrugged and accepted it. The head of Mercury records took a look at the cover and decided it just wasn't hip enough, so he had an artist photoshop some sunglasses on; yay that should get the teens buying. Hot In The Shade is a shockingly stupid album cover, doesn't even have the band's fucking logo on it. Epic fail.

KISS fans, angered by the idiotic record covers released over the past decade, have turned against their former heros hungry for blood. Attacking the KISS compound, you can see the aftermath; bullet holes and a pointedly defaced steel door with the phrase 'Revenge.' Finally a decent fucking cover here.


Ace is back, Peter is back, and the makeup is back on KISS's 1998 album Psycho Circus. As the title eludes to, the cover depicts a fucked up looking circus cart with KISS's name plastered on the side along with small portraits of the band. The center clown dows look a bit psychotic, and I'm not sure if he's planning to bite me or just throw up. Hard for me to really be tough on this cover at all, I'm just fucking stoked the 80's horrendous album covers are ten years removed from us. Have fun at the circus kids.
11 years after Psycho Circus, KISS released Sonic Boom in 2009 to close out yet another decade. The album was designed by the same guy who did the Rock and Roll Over cover way back when and....it sucks. Yep it's not a very pleasing cover at all. It has a shitty name, way to colorful (and odd colors at that), and just sucks. It doesn't make the band look cool or rocking, and if I wasn't already inclined to buy the album, it does nothing to catch my attention in a positive way. If you been to Walmart lately, undoubtedly you've seen these lying around in the electronic section.
So that's the KISS album discography, and man it's a long roller coaster ride of awesome to shit. As a little bonus here is a fucking badass Japanese only KISS live album.
Oh ya, that's the good stuff.
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