7/12/11

Transformers 3: Plot Makes No Sense

Alright movies fans, I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Transformers 3 was better than Transformers 2, but still fucking sucked. Why did it suck you ask, well, because it's a Transformers movie directed by Michael Bay, duh. We're not going to comment on that here, instead we're going to focus on the horribly stupid, makes no fucking sense plot. None of the previous Transformer movies had particularly inspiring or compelling plots, but god-dammit at least they weren't completely baffling and retarded and fucking contradicted the other movies. Here are five reasons why the plot of Transformers 3 is dumb.
(Spoilers ahead).

1. Sentinel Prime is a Moron
So Sentinel Prime is the Big Daddy of the Autobots, their former leader before Optimus, who has been unconscious on the moon since the JFK days. He's an idiot for the following reasons:
A). Refuses the leadership thing from Optimus saying,"Naw, you know this planet better than me, continue to lead the Autobots." Smart move dumbass, why not re-assume command of your own fucking people, than you wouldn't have to betray Optimus. Instead you could simply command the Autobots, "Fuck the humans, we're going to rebuild Cybertron." Optimus whines about it, slap him back in line.
B). Instead of reassessing the situation after waking from a long nap, Sentinel Prime decides "fuck it", I'll just continue with the truce I made with Megatron before being shot down on the Moon. Forget the fact that the fucking Cybertron War is over, Megatron and his team are in shambles, and Optimus has a strong military presence on a new planet with a new race of people. Why not join Optimus and the humans, hunt down and kill Megatron and his goons, and than take the all-spark and re-build Cybertron. What the fuck is the point of bringing Cybertron into Earth's atmosphere? How the hell can the plan to end the war on Cybertron be the same plan to rebuild a dead Cybertron? Dumb Sentinel Prime, dumb.

2. Truce?
Transformers 3 reveals that, oh nooo, Sentinel Prime made and alliance with the evil Megatron to end the war on Cybertron and rebuild their planet and 'species'. Hmmm, that actually doesn't sound that bad; peace, unity, rebuilding, who wouldn't go for this. Well, apparently Sentinel Prime and Megatron didn't think people would go for it, cause after making their truce, they decided to meet up on the Moon and didn't tell either side their plan or truce. WTF, if the two leaders of opposing sides decide to end their beef and work together why the fuck doesn't this instantly end the war. They could just announce, "Hey fuck-bots. The wars over, we're going to go steal resources from humans and rebuild our planet and our God like position, TOGETHER!!!" But......they don't. Instead, Sentinel Prime's ship gets shot down by the Decepticons, cause they don't know the wars over, and they plan to rebuild Cybertron is now fucked. To make matters worse, the war continues (later even on to new planets) and more and more Autobots and Decepticons needlessly die. Dumb.

3. Remember Transformers 1?
The plot of Transformers 3 directly contradicts Transformers 1. Spending a shit load of time establishing how the Autobots crashed landed on the Moon in the 1960s, after the War for Cybertron and the fucking failed truce between Sentinel Prime and Megatron, leading to the Moon race, the writers forget the fucking time line of the original movie. Hey remember the little fucking gem that Sam's fucking grandfather found Megatron frozen in the Artic Circle in 1897, the whole reason Sam's even a fucking character to begin with. How can Megatron be frozen on Earth per 1897 looking for the All Spark to rebuild Cybertron and take over the universe, when he's suppose to be meeting Sentinel Prime on the Moon to unleash their project to rebuild Cybertron. Sentinel Prime gets to Earth in the 1960s while the War on Cybertron is still happening, yet Megatron gets to Earth sometime before 1897 after the war is already over, already now batting Sentinel's replacement Optimus. How the fuck does this lineup?

4. The Government Sucks
The Autobots have saved the world twice and now work for the government full time fighting terrorist and shit, yet the government has decided, "Meh, no need to mention that Transformers shit we found in the 1960s. Hasn't come up yet, probably never will." So stupid, why can't the Autobots ship or  devices for finding Decepticons realize there is a downed Autobots ship on the fucking Moon. Hmmm...now that I think of it, why didn't The Fallen from Transformers 2, either destroy Sentinel Prime (he hates all the Primes after all) or use him like Megatron to rebuild Cybertron. But I guess Megatron might not have mentioned it. Dumb.

5. Other Shit
This has nothing to do with the plot, but here are some other things that pissed me off about the movie; enjoy.
-Really, Sam has another super hot girlfriend and she just happens to work for some dude who just happens to works for the Decepticons allowing Sam to once again save the world.
-We're told that humans are going to be enslaved by the Transformers, but following that we only see scenes of them killing people on the streets, not capturing them.
-Love how the Autobots conveniently disappear for large chunks of the film, doing who the fuck knows. Like when Optimus gets caught in some construction lines (lame) and than the movie focuses solely on the humans fighting the Deceptions.
-Why didn't Patrick Dempsey shoot Shia LaBeouf in the fucking head when he had the chance?
-Really? Megatron, sulking off by himself, decides to take advice from replacement Megan Fox? Are we suppose to believe he's that fucking stupid, that he'd really listen to a human that is obviously trying to trick him?
-Kind of shocked Optimus killed Sentinel Prime after Megatron saved his ass. Sure Sentinel Prime made a mistake, kicked your ass, and ripped off your arm but goddammit man, he's your fucking mentor. He admits to only thinking about the end of his race, the race he is suppose to lead and protect, and you respond by shooting him in the face with a fucking shot gun. \
-Nice Optimus, Megatron saves you from certain death and you respond by fucking killing him. Noble.

By the end of the movie so many fucking Decepticons are dead, who the fuck will be the villain in Transformers 4? Mercy, maybe it will never come to pass.

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