Welcome readers (*crickets*) to a new weekly segment were we run down the top ten albums in America and make wishes and predictions of next weeks top ten. Hey, Ho, Let's Go.
10. No Better Than This- John Mellencamp
The Midwest's own old dog howls his way into the top ten this week with the debut of his new album. Not to shabby John, critics love it and after finishing up a short summer tour with Dylan, we look forward to seeing you in Minnesota for a two night stand at the Orpheum.
(Was digging this one at first but it kinda fell flat, got a bit boring....)
9. Foundling- David Gray
Also debuting this week is David Gray's new album. Now you may be wondering who the fuck is David Gray? What the fuck does 'Foundling' mean? Ummm....well apparently he's some British fuck who had a breakthrough album in 1999 (thanks wiki), and I have no idea what 'Foundling' means. Congrads on the number nine finish though David, cheerio.
(I like the dude's voice (sounds familiar) but the songs a bit repetitive. Nice try though....cheers)
8. My World 2.0- Justin Bieber
22 weeks and still going, America's retarded teenage girl population have made this album a juggernaut. It's already platinum and in case you live in a nursing home where your grand kids never come to visit, you know lil Biebs is fucking everywhere. Now usually this blog would refrain from mentioning this lil cutesy fuck, but he got us on a technicality (bastard). Our apologies.
Well I was going to post a Bieber vid here, as horrifying as that is, when I realized I've never actually heard a Bieber song. Which is pretty fucking crazy given the boy wonder's huge fame. Do they play him on the radio? I mean I've heard Miley and the other lil kid shit music before (fuck you JoBros) but never Beebes. Have I just been lucky? Has Satan simply spared me this horrid nightmare? I dunno, but for the love of journalism I've decided to take the Bieber challenge and I welcome you fellow virgins to violate your ears with me. Here we go:
(....Why baby Jesus, why did you allow this to happen? So many thoughts running through my head right now, ahhhhhhhhh the pain. I feel old, violated, and and and stupider. Luda what the fuck man, I mean I'm hardly a fan but Jeezus playa, what the fuck was that. I dont know what to say typing this literally seconds after viewing....calm down muse-zach, take a deep breathe, turn on Slayer album....Ahhh, there we go Im back, mind mostly intact. Dear god can you imagine what this album must sound like, the other nine fucking tracks. America please, please, watching Glenn Beck and stop listening to Justin Bieber.)
7. The Suburbs- Arcade Fire
Three weeks on the charts, the current Indie Rock things should be pleased that the inhabitants of many of the US's suburbs have taken a shine to them and purchased their awesome new album. September 22 they'll be rocking Roy Wilkins.
(My fave song on the album, really makes me want to see them live.)
6. Need You Now- Lady Antebellum
Country music, and country music fans get a bad rap. They're often looked down as country bumpkin and out of touch with the times. Well perhaps there is some truth there because country fans have yet to realize CD sales suck in 2010. While every other genre of music watches their record sales plummet year to year (accept for Jazz for some odd reason) Nashville keeps flexing its muscle, loosing ground by mere decimal percentages or not at all. Lady Antebellum is a prime example. Released in mid January, their new album has been on the Billboard Top 200 for 30 weeks, has gone platinum twice, and creeps back into the top ten whenever they release a new single or Country Music has another award show. A country group can survive.
(Modern Pop Country at its finest. Big sound, steel guitar, clean harmonies, sing along chorus, relate-able lyrics. Decent song.)
5. Cowboy's Back in Town- Trace Adkins
Another new debut on the charts from Country's big man. I actually purchased and enjoyed Trace's fourth album, 2001's Chrome, but quickly fell off the bandwagon after Trace rolled out Country Music hits like "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk". He has been an interesting guest a number of times on the Bill Maher show though.
(Chick in this video is hot. Song itself is nothing special though. Initially it feels kind of like a interesting approach to writing a song, but the novelty wears off waiting on the chorus.)
4. Final Frontier- Iron Maiden
Raise you Irons lads, Metals longest running legacy band is back again, this debut release marking their 15 album. While metal fans roared Maiden to #1 in 21 countries worldwide, sadly Americans fans could not beat three other contenders (I did my part). 35 years after their start, Dickinson and the boys are still running to the hills under Eddie's portrait.
(Epic)
3. God Willing and the Creek Don't Dry
The face of modern Folk, Ray Lamontagne and his new band the Pariah Dogs have snuck into the Billboard top 3 to many insiders surprise. Bearded, and folky with a crisp rising voice, Lamontagne is awesome and deserves the spot. Sorry Maiden.
(Brillant, his guy should have gotten a real band behind him years ago.)
2. Intamcy: Album 3- Kem
Some rapper I've never heard of has released his third album......
(Ok, maybe he's an R&B singer. If I was black I would have makeup sex with my wife to this song.)
1. Recovery- Eminem
Nine weeks out, Eminem is number one again. Beating an early retirement and an addiction to sleeping pills, Slim Shady has roared back to life. Equaled only to Jay-Z, Eminem is on top of the rap world an poised to have the biggest album of the year.
(Hard hitting, real, and catchy dam sucka this is exactly why this white boy from Detroit has conquered the airwaves.)
There it is readers, the very diverse top ten albums in America. Now let's take a look at next weeks big releases.
Katy Perry - Teenage Dream (Big release)
Usher - Versus (Booo might do good though)
Fantasia - Back To Me (Sucks)
Little Big Town - The Reason Why
Randy Rogers Band - Burning The Day
Joe Diffie - Homecoming: The Bluegrass Album
Jeremy Camp - We Cry Out: The Worship Project (Jesus Rock)
Apocalyptica - 7th Symphony (Good band)
Ricardo Arjona - Poquita Ropa
Randy Travis - I'll Fly Away (Like the classics)
Ricky Skaggs - Mosaic
The Sword - Warp Riders (Curious)
JJ Grey - Georgia Warhorse
JP Chrissie & The Fairground Boys - Fidelity!
Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - Hawk
Ra Ra Riot - The Orcharrd (Curious)
Tamar Kaprelian - Sinner Or A Saint
Blind Guardian - At The Edge of Time
Eels - Tomorrow Morning (Supposedly good)
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