Please stop Jack
Since Jack White will obviously do anything to promote Third Man Records, confuse/irritate/outrage his fans, keep his name in the blogger headlines, and work with every musician under the sun, here are 5 future endeavors of the infamous Jack White.
1. The Wall
In another ambitious tribute move, White decided to team up with the much hated though hugely popular Canadian rock band Nickelback for a double album sequel to Pink Floyd's legendary The Wall. The album, titled The Wall 2: Rebuilding, became an underground rock sensation heavily bootlegged and available on torrent sites due to it being held back from release for over a decade because of legal battles with Roger Waters. Following his death, the album finally did get a full release and was roundly panned by critics but curiousity gave it decent sales. No members of Pink Floyd appear on the album (Mason and Gilmour both openly expressing contempt for the album) and it lives on in infamy.
Verdict: Even track cameos from Wayne Cohen and Phil Lesh can't save this piece of shit.
2. The Faith
It is well know that Jack White is a devoted Catholic, and in interviews he has admitted to nearly going into the parish before deciding to dedicate his life to music. Sadly Jack pulls a u-turn in the furture and leaves the music business to become an ordained priest. Largely disappearing for ten years, Jack returns to music with a critically acclaimed Gospel album amid Wacko Jacko rumors of foul play.
Verdict: Album is worth purchase if only for Prince's collaboration on "Soul String".
3. White Stripes Return
After years and years of rumors and speculation, Jack confirms that the White Stripes are reuniting on Thrid Man Records' website. Fans are initially overjoyed but as the weeks pass more details reveal that the reunion will only be for a 4 song EP, no tour, and all four songs will feature Meg on lead vocals and Jack on drums. Superfan outrage comes to a boil when Jack reveals on Conan that Meg has been learning guitar since the breakup and will make her six string debut on the EP.
Verdict: Hated by the majority of fans, critics contiue to kiss White's ass and overly praise the EP's songwriting and druming. It ranks #8 in Rollingstone's Best Albums of 2020.
4. TV
Pepsi, ever in battle with it's arch nemesis Coke, has a new commercial to promote their latest product Pepsi Omega Delicious. Wanting to appeal to the youth market covering both the sleazy idiot party crowd and the intellectual music nerds, Pepsi's new commercial features a brand new Jack White single featuring Kesha (Lady Gaga turned Jack down).
Verdict: Awful and shameless, only Omega Delicious left a worse taste in my mouth.
5. Rap
Yet another surprise to fans, Jack has decided to release a rap album......where he raps (and plays some guitar). The album features a slew of guest spots from the biggest players in rap Eminem, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, Ziggy Tardust, Atmosphere, Kanye, etc, etc. A head scratcher to many of his core fans, the album got huge amounts of publication and notoriety; especially when the album's controversial name was revealed: White Power.
Verdict: There are moments when you think "ya.....I guess Jack can kinda rap", but each track is really make or break based off it's guest spot (and the guitar prowess).
1. The Wall
In another ambitious tribute move, White decided to team up with the much hated though hugely popular Canadian rock band Nickelback for a double album sequel to Pink Floyd's legendary The Wall. The album, titled The Wall 2: Rebuilding, became an underground rock sensation heavily bootlegged and available on torrent sites due to it being held back from release for over a decade because of legal battles with Roger Waters. Following his death, the album finally did get a full release and was roundly panned by critics but curiousity gave it decent sales. No members of Pink Floyd appear on the album (Mason and Gilmour both openly expressing contempt for the album) and it lives on in infamy.
Verdict: Even track cameos from Wayne Cohen and Phil Lesh can't save this piece of shit.
2. The Faith
It is well know that Jack White is a devoted Catholic, and in interviews he has admitted to nearly going into the parish before deciding to dedicate his life to music. Sadly Jack pulls a u-turn in the furture and leaves the music business to become an ordained priest. Largely disappearing for ten years, Jack returns to music with a critically acclaimed Gospel album amid Wacko Jacko rumors of foul play.
Verdict: Album is worth purchase if only for Prince's collaboration on "Soul String".
3. White Stripes Return
After years and years of rumors and speculation, Jack confirms that the White Stripes are reuniting on Thrid Man Records' website. Fans are initially overjoyed but as the weeks pass more details reveal that the reunion will only be for a 4 song EP, no tour, and all four songs will feature Meg on lead vocals and Jack on drums. Superfan outrage comes to a boil when Jack reveals on Conan that Meg has been learning guitar since the breakup and will make her six string debut on the EP.
Verdict: Hated by the majority of fans, critics contiue to kiss White's ass and overly praise the EP's songwriting and druming. It ranks #8 in Rollingstone's Best Albums of 2020.
4. TV
Pepsi, ever in battle with it's arch nemesis Coke, has a new commercial to promote their latest product Pepsi Omega Delicious. Wanting to appeal to the youth market covering both the sleazy idiot party crowd and the intellectual music nerds, Pepsi's new commercial features a brand new Jack White single featuring Kesha (Lady Gaga turned Jack down).
Verdict: Awful and shameless, only Omega Delicious left a worse taste in my mouth.
5. Rap
Yet another surprise to fans, Jack has decided to release a rap album......where he raps (and plays some guitar). The album features a slew of guest spots from the biggest players in rap Eminem, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, Ziggy Tardust, Atmosphere, Kanye, etc, etc. A head scratcher to many of his core fans, the album got huge amounts of publication and notoriety; especially when the album's controversial name was revealed: White Power.
Verdict: There are moments when you think "ya.....I guess Jack can kinda rap", but each track is really make or break based off it's guest spot (and the guitar prowess).
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