A Look at Iron Maiden's Discography

Time for another round of judging a band's legacy simply by their album covers, today's band (victim) is British Heavy Metal band Iron Maiden, which means we'll be seeing a lot of their famous mascot Eddie in various forms. Enjoy.

So it's Iron Maiden album #1, and we are of course introduced to Eddy so let's take a good look at him, really get to know him. Well...he looks like a young British lad who has apparently died and A) become a zombie or B) become some kind of Mummy creature. He gives off a punkish vibe, and though he's skin and bones, his hair looks great; a nice red color I'm sure the girls at the club will be really into him. Starring at this picture only re-enforces my original belief of him being a zombie, he's hot this snarled look on his face like he wants to bite into my jugular. For a Brit he as surprisingly straight teeth, and his eyes look evil and possessed. Hello Eddy, nice to meet u.

1981, a year after their debut album, Iron Maiden releases Killers. A year hasn't changed much for Eddy, he's still wearing the same clothes, still roaming the streets, still skinny as fuck with gray dead man skin. The biggest physical alteration seems to be his hair. No longer the haphazard red, Eddy is now sporting a longer more uniform white dew. Perhaps it was dyed before and he decided to go oh-natural. Eddy's teeth and eyes look as dastardly as before, except now he's striking a pose for his picture and doing his damnedest to smile. Eh, he's trying too hard. We also learn from this cover that Eddy apparently kills people, though it's unclear whether it's for hobby or occupation. He's brandishing a bloodily axe in his photo, and two hands seem to be pulling at his shirt as if begging for their lives, and I gotta say, Eddy does not come across very merciful. We'll leave the man to his activities and say the first two Iron Maiden albums so far have been successes.

Year 3, album 3, 1982. Another year goes by and we check back in with our old friend Eddy. Hmm...well my first impression is that he's clearly happier since last we saw him. Also he seems to have befriended a shady looking little devil man. Though no bloody axe is present, I get the feeling that his habit of killing people is alive and well. He appears to have undertaken the art of witchcraft, possibly explaining how he conjured and looks to be controlling his demon friend, not to mention the large amounts of fire displayed here on the ground, in his hand, and in his pupils. His clothes are the same (nasty) but his hair seems to have gotten more attention, it now appears to be fuller and silkier. While the rest of him may be dead (or reanimated), Eddy's hair is alive and well.

Brace yourselves dear friends, Eddy has fallen on hard times by 1983. Gone is shimmering white locks, his head now shaved bald. Gone is his fun loving mischievous smile, replaced by slack jawed groan for freedom. Gone is his favorite white t-shirt, replace by a strait jacket and chains. Gone is his devil friend, his street side killing spots, and the burning passion in his eyes, replaced by patted walls. Obviously the authorities caught poor Eddy, fucked with his brain, and threw him into the insane asylum. He was so young. Oh well, let's hope for a speedy recovery and some sort of parole for our friend, also that red vain running down his face should probably be looked at. See you in a year Eddy so far all the covers have been Aces.

Hmmm, this is different. Very bright, detailed, electrified with ancient power. It's 1984, and is Eddy still in the nuthouse? Sadly I think so. Clearly to escape the confides of this padded holding cell and keep from going completely crazy, Eddy has constructed a new existence within his mind. Apparently he's now Pharaoh over ancient Egypt, and has built a massive pyramid to harness some secret power. Another Ace to be sure, but Eddy's mental delusions scare me a little; they too can lead to complete madness.                                                     

 Iron Maiden's first Live album in 1985. Eddy is a fucking genius. Here is what happened. Due to over crowding, the Asylum needed Eddy's cell so they re-killed (unclear how) him and buried him in the cemetery not bothering to undo his chains. Using his witchcraft prowess, Eddy used the ancient Egyptian Power Pyramid he built in his mind to shoot a layer of life force energy (bending the space time continuum as well as the boundaries of reality and imagination) to re-animate himself, escape his tomb stone prison, and re-grow his fantastic locks. Well played Eddy, well played. Now he appears to be free and I'm sure he's learned his lesson so not to end up lobotomized and caged again.

1986, and Eddy is apparently Somewhere in Time. Yes, it appears we've skipped a few years and met up with Eddy in the distant future. If not for his grimacing face and small blue shimmering orb eyes, we might not even recognize him. Instead of gray dead skin, Eddy is now ripped with exposed muscle mass. I guess there is no need for skin in the future. His hair is also gone, or hidden under a space helmet. Eddy looks pissed off and ready to kill with his fuming laser gun out and ready. The hand reaching up in the bottom right of the album cover, probably one of his many victims. Interestingly, the wall Eddy faces on the right appears to have the photo of him from Iron Maiden draw on it with the phrase "Eddy Lives" spray painted over it. Eddy did always struggle with staying alive. Worst album cover thus far.

So.....is Eddy dead and on some afterlife plane of existence? Are we further into the future where Eddy is no longer shackled with the need for organs and prefers his head to be on fire as he floats by ice bergs? Or are we still in the insane asylum, where Eddy was never killed or escaped but continued to project himself in mental realities each growing more abstract and absurd than the last? Friends we do not know, but the Iron Maiden albums are going strange places. Was Eddy the seventh son of a seventh son?

Turns out Eddy did indeed go insane in that asylum and the previous four album covers were all mental delusions. Here we find Eddy rehabilitated and escaping by ripping through the floor. This poor fellow who ran across him is understandable going to die. I'm guessing Eddy tunneled his way through the sewers cause there is some green slime covering him. Hard to say whether Eddy's learned anything from his seven year imprisonment, he looks noticeably more ferocious and menacing, though his hair has grown back and looks pretty good. His skin looks a little pinkish, so that must be a good sign. Glad to see Eddy will be back on the streets.

This album is pretty cool, dark and scary, but I have to ask, did Eddy go through some kind of tree metamorphosis, becoming some kind of tree elf monster thing, or is this not Eddy, but rather a new creature? Maybe Eddy worked some voodoo witchcraft magic on himself so not to stand out to the asylum guards undoubtedly looking for him. Good thinking. Whatever is going on here, I certainly don't recommend climbing that tree, Eddy or no Eddy that thing does not look friendly or accommodating.

Two Live Albums from 1993, Eddy looks crazy and weird in both of them. Live has a pretty cool album cover but Dead sucks.

 1992 and Eddy is having a Tool-esche flash back to his days in the asylum remembering how they removed his scalp and apparently the lower half of his body. Hmmm now we know why he imagined himself without a lower half in the Seventh Son album cover. This album cover looks horrid and did not date well, plus it's really not adding to my Eddy story.

1998's Maiden album doesn't even feature Eddy, unless he's become this strange looking virtual creature attacking this video game kid. Another bad album boys, I'm sorry but maybe you should stop putting 'X' in your titles as well. It overly helps identify the stinkers.

So they kind of fucked up the 90s, at least in 2000 it looks like the shitiness is on it's way out. This album cover looks detailed, brooding, and most importantly badass. The menacing creature in the sky is obviously Eddy, and shows how fucking horrible Virtual X's was by doing the same concept only 100 times better. Keep it up not lad's I want to see Eddy on the rest of your covers, and I want to see him looking fucking awesome.

What the fuck is this shit? It looks fucking awful, why do this, his is a disgrace tot he name Iron Maiden. Why have some stupid Sims mascaraed ball scene as your album cover? Ya I realize that Death has a face that looks like Eddy, but still this is not good. Very bad, I don't care for it at all.

Here we go, this is a pretty good looking album. Skeletons marching off to war, good symbolism there plus you found a cool way to incorporate Eddy, having him painted war-style on the Army tank. Leagues and leagues better than that last piece of shit, I would actually consider buying this album just based on the cover. Eddy lives, you die.

Last but not least, we have last year's Final Frontier. Eddy appears to be back, though this time he's a murderous space alien. Oh well I don't really care that it doesn't make much sense, the album looks Sci-Fi awesome and I can dig Eddy as a bad ass space killing machine. Those dead astronauts kinda look like Eddy too......neat. Glad we got to end this list on a high note.

So that's Iron Maiden, a lot of good and some real shit. Run to the Hills motherfuckers.